The Doer
No really, I am an accomplished graphic designer.
I have many rituals I place on my to-do list. These rituals, I think, are to comfort myself. De-puff, de-age, self-sooth, and heal. Heal from anxiety, worry, and a ruminating mind. In life I’m beginning to feel a tension between what I’ve learned and witnessed life being - the frenetic push to build and grow a powerful character, a career that flourishes, while holding amass to an easily digestible female archetype.
The tension exists in that what I thought I wanted to mold myself into is unnatural. Or, at this time in my life, it does not feel natural. My mind is at great odds with my learned behaviors. It's as if my body is fervently trying to swim in mud whilst still appearing graceful and capable - basically, the breaststroke I’ve been doing my entire adult life.
I realize our obligations and needs function to run the system. It’s our function conjunction. Abide by this - get that. We place food on the table, pay our bills (barely at times), provide for our children, and maybe add an indulgence to our online carts.
In doing the cyclical Western map to life, I‘m beginning to ask myself - am I doing or am I creating? I’ve adored our little Western ways for my entire life - it’s given me visions of marble countertops, beautiful patio furniture, and a wrinkle-free face. But at what cost are these desires holding us back from living a purposeful life? A day lived where we create something new —rather than consume.
Our doing is leaving us spiritually depressed…and longing for deep rest.
This is my tension. A tension where I feel a lightness in my heart but a drag on my mind. Embracing a new mindset and approach while being constantly reminded this can’t possibly work. I’m living counterintuitively to my talents - pushing a creative mindset into societal molds and Outlook inboxes.
I’m done with the performance of doing. I’m ready to begin creating.
added 4/7/25
“We’ve been trained to fulfill the requirements, get the stuff, accomplish the things, and check the boxes - and then we will be happy. Later. Not now. We’ve been conditioned to expect that if we follow the formula we will succeed and feel good, eventually.” - Amy Eliza Wong, Living On Purpose
If you believe coincidence is divine intervention - you may enjoy this. I recently had breakfast with my good friend, Todd Bertsch. He’s a business mentor, friend, and was the first to provide me with a space to host my art opening last October. You could say he’s been a catalyst for a lot of growth. He pushes me to think big, and then bigger. At the start of our breakfast we were eager to share our life updates - but before getting into the weeds - we mutually expressed the thought: is all the doing aligned with our purpose and what nature intends, and how does creativity grow from an overtaxed life? And then, he handed me this book.
I begun Living On Purpose today and already feel a gentle, comforting push. A push to accept and know that my art + creative practice is worth the effort - and I am worth the effort I give it. To lean into my heart and gut, and put earmuffs on when I see the naysayers coming into view.
Thank you, Todd - and thank you, Amy, for your amazing book! Listen to Todd’s interview with Amy Eliza Wong here.
I’m looking forward to the insightful perspective and mindset Amy’s book will provide. I’m ready to commit.