What Do I Want?
This poem was written on a Saturday morning on my deck | Summer 2025
What is it- what do I want!? Days of rigid patterns and process- gloming for realities that daunt.
It’s a blueprint that feels created with permanent ink. Red-lined and overwhelmed by fear and being weak.
My body is aching inside and in my head. Pings and zings, dull aches to remind me I’m not yet dead.
What is it telling me? I know the answer… my thoughts and worries create these signals. The result, if I’m not proactive, will be harmful, resulting in cancer.
My niece Breah is an inspiring force. Warmly she lives in yin, lightness, oblivious to any dark recourse.
I want this softness, this ease, this heart. But wanting is not allowing. It’s pushing before the yin has a chance to start.
There is contrast, this duality that exists. As always, I play to extremes. Searching daily for a manageable balance in my morning prayers and misty themes.
Disciplined yet hungry. Active but still. Tell me more, I say. It says courage will show me the way.
What I’m realizing now is I can’t do this alone. The tone and texture of my heart needs a rhythm to adhere to. Recalibrate to love and joy for my heavy-lifting bones.
Turning worry into wisdom. Pain into promises I’ll keep. Freeing addictions to fuel abundance. Employing belief to rest and sleep.
The rhythm is not visible, nor does it exist in our physical reality. It’s a rhythm where I must be quiet and still to deal. A universal blanket that is God's way to feel.
Thank you for reading,
Megan